Hey Bloggers:

This past week I had the privilege of attending the 6th Annual DCYF Teen Conference at NHTI in Concord. I saw a lot of familiar faces and met a lot of new people. I also got to sit on a panel and answer your questions about what college life is like and the anxieties that I experienced in the beginning. One of the things you guys were really interested in is the difference between living at home (with foster parents, family members, etc.) and living in a dorm. So, the question I started asking myself is: What is the biggest difference between living at home and living in college; and is it a bigger deal for a foster kid than your average college student?

For myself, and for almost all foster kids and your average college students, the biggest difference between living at home and living in a dorm is the level of independence it grants you. There is no one setting your curfew, telling you who you can or cannot hang out with, demanding you clean your room, stopping you from sleeping in, or forcing you to study for an exam that is slowly creeping up on you. That’s just not how it works. You do have leaders (Resident Assistants) in the dorms, though, who make sure you’re not doing things that are disruptive, offensive or even illegal, but for the most part they are more like fellow students/friends who ask you to do the right thing when you’re clearly doing something wrong.

But being independent has both an up-side and a down-side to it. The upside is that you’re finally free to do what you want, when you want, where you want, with who want, and however you want to do it. YOU choose whether you’re going to study or go out with friends; YOU choose whether you’re going to go to that 8am class or sleep right through it; YOU choose everything! But being in control of all of your choices isn’t always all its cracked up to be.

The down-side to being independent is the pressure! Yes, making all of your own decisions puts a lot of weight on your shoulders that you might not be used to feeling. For most people, getting a second or third opinion about an important decision is usually very helpful. But as a freshmen in college the struggle is finding someone you trust enough to turn to with your important decisions. You might have an exam to study for but there is a really good event going on. Most of your fellow freshmen will tell you that you’ll be fine... exams are so easy as long as you go to class. An upperclassman might tell you that studying for a few more hours before you go out sounds like a good happy medium as long as you are pretty familiar with the material. But an adult might tell you that there are always going to be great social events, and if you don’t do well on the exam you might not make the grades you need to in order to stay in college and see more of those opportunities. The best advice to take, in this particular situation, is coming from the adult. It might not be what you want to hear, or even what you end up doing, but at least you know that there are options. Because, at the end of the day, the decision is yours to make and the outcome will fall back on only you--not your friend, not the upperclassman, not the adult--YOU!

So, to answer the second question, yes, being completely independent is a bigger deal to a foster kid than your average college student in most cases. It is a hard transition from having an immeasurable amount of restrictions to having almost no restrictions at all. Most of your average college students do not experience the same kinds of restrictions as most foster kids do. Don’t get me wrong, because the transition is hard for all freshmen, but it can be harder for some foster kids, who go from experiencing almost no freedom, to having complete freedom all at once. Demonstrating good judgment in decision making is very challenging and one of the biggest lessons to learn as a college student. Making mistakes is part of the process, but make sure you‘re learning from your mistakes and not repeating them. Don’t worry, though, the more you make decisions the easier it will become to do the right thing.

Remember: With being independent, and making your own decisions, comes taking responsibility for your own actions. YOU are in control of everything you do and everything you say. You can’t blame anyone else anymore... the weight is all on your own shoulders. Sometimes doing the right thing is harder, but it’s what will keep you one step ahead of your peers, and one step closer to your dreams. 

Enjoy the last couple weeks of summer, friends! The next time I write I will back on campus--hooray!! =)

Until next time,
Kendra